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Just aint’ fond of blogging nowadays. Seems like a complete waste of time or something. I’ve lost the reason to have a blog. Or maybe I’ve lost something important that I just haven’t realised yet. Life is dull right now though a huge event in my life is going to happen soon. Or maybe it’s the reason why it has made everything else seem like void. Darn. I need to do something. Somehow, I’ve this feeling that I’ve lost something but I just can’t figure it out . Maybe I’ll find out soon, and by that time I wish it’s not too late. 

I’m not oblivious or at least I pretend to be,

to everyone’s actions and words they speak.

Sick of these feelings whatever they may be,

couldn’t find an answer nor the key.

 

The question remains the same throughout,

however the answer couldn’t be sorted out.

A thousand miles lie my endless journey,

to the destination I have no inkling about.

Many times it seems I’ve cried my heart out,

to something that I’ve yet to figure out.

So much things I’ve procrastinated about,

and most of them contradictive throughout.

 

Searching for the reason to live my life,

something I hope not meaningless or vile .

Till the time comes for me to stop,

I’ll continue my journy to the soul of my heart.

Got my pw results yesterday. Got a B ! Quite surprised actually . I wasn’t expecting for something high because of I’ve always thought that our written report was quite badly done. Lots of slipshod work despite the checks and yeah. Kind of regretted as it was something we can put our hearts in. Well, nevertheless, a B was much unanticipated . 

The school was quite unhappy with our results I guess because the batch before us did much better with 50% distinctions. And we were barely half of it. And I keep hearing from teachers that our batch is the worst that they have ever seen. Kinda puts people down but I wonder why huh.

Parent teacher meeting day on Wednesday was a wake up call I guess. Much reflection needed on my results and stuff. Couldn’t say I’ve done great . It’s a complete opposite. I’ve been using the excuse of SYF but I think it’s really the case . Self-discipline is something that I really lack. Well, maybe I should type this like how I do it in the past, in a chronological order if not everything would seem so messy.

Wednesday, 8th April 2009

Been sick lately, so I brought my sweater to school everyday. The lecture theatres seem colder than before, or is it because of my cold ? Had maths lecture early in the morning on Wednesday. I’m still not used to the new timetable on Wednesday yet. The periods are really weird and the bell rings at some weird hour and stuff. 40minutes are really too short so I hope the timetable will quickly switch back soon. I love Mr Sim’s emotion dice. Every time when time is wasted settling down, he would show the dice on a visualizer with a face showing :l expression. It’s so cute. I wonder where he got that . I want one too ! 

Probablity is freaking me out. Have never been good at Permutations and Combinations either. Gosh. When have I ever been good at logic stuff such as Physics and Maths ? I really need to improve on them.

After maths was computing period. Got scolded for chatting -_- Well well, sometimes it can’t be helped . 

PE was really SHORT. Played captain’s ball. Can’t really remember the score. I think our PE group is really fit. As in everyone passed their Napfa already while the others are still struggling with it. So every wednesday would be games ! Which is great ! D But wasn’t really in a good condition as I was saying. Sick. How can I feel high with it. Didn’t feel like running at all during our Captain’s ball match. Just kind of walked around, in the end I decided to be the one catching the ball instead. Too tired to move. Even Jolene got the ball more than me . 

Didn’t eat french fries either. Got to watch my health. SYF is coming. If I fall sick on that day, my effort would just go to waste ! Don’t want to ruin the dance either. I don’t mean like I’m a big part in it but everyone is part of the dance so everybody is important. Imagine someone being unable to turn up. It would be such a big waste. Could be really disappointing.

Maths lesson was kind of confusing right now? Ain’t really good at Loci. I mean Complex numbers. A little haywire here and there. I wonder how I even manage to scrape through sometimes. I realise that I don’t have the concept at all. It’s always just do whatever I know and in the end I pass. But if you really question me about the fundamentals, I have no idea what’s happening. It ain’t good at all. It’s like during O’s . I was really scared because if you ask me what do I really know, the answer is seriously ‘nothing’.

GP period was kind of fun. We had roleplaying. The scenario was a marriage proposal and guess who’s my partner? Jolene ! We started saying that we would give up the korean guys for each other and stuff. It was pretty hilarious. When Jolene was the guy and she had to ‘propose’ to me, she was telling me that she would bake for me. Then I started saying that I would get food poisoning and YangJie chipped in that the Geylang Rojak food poisoning case would happen again. I was laughing like crazy. She also said that she would play the guitar for me, sing for me and stuff. But our role was a firm NO. So I didn’t agree. For the second time, it was me being the guy. Somehow, we got sabo-ed and had to roleplay it in front of everyone. It was kind of lame. I mean Jolene being the guy was much more fun. So it was kinda weird.

I started saying that I could sing, dance and even though I can’t play an instrument, if I tried to learn the guitar, I’m sure I can play better than her. LOL . I wonder why Jolene and I were trying so hard to make the audience laugh ><” The class then shouted that why both are girls so I retorted that they should respect our sexual preference. It was kind of -__- Yeah. The best part was Melvin and JiaJie. JieJie can really act as a girl. He folded his hands and those facial expressions were hilarious. I should have snapped photos. And no wonder he won’t accept Melvin . I think the wife would die out of insults everyday :X 

After school I had dance practise. Fixed our turnings and stuff. Worked really hard. Changed my ez-link card. Even went back a second time to get my sticker back ><” Hello. Recession . 1 dollar means a lot P

Mum came around 6 to 7pm. Was watching the volleyball match between CJ and YJ. Saw Qineng. Heard from Linglan the morning earlier that he was in the team. Was quite surprised actually. He plays volleyball well. 

Meeting the teachers were kind of boring I guess. Mr Ho didn’t have much to say to my mum. But he did point out really detailedly where were the Us on my result slips -____- Then my mum asked “why so many” . I was like x.x Then I continued saying that those were the tests before . See I improved during block test . Lesser. Mr Ho made it worse by saying that there were still 2 Us . I was like THANKS arh . He added on saying that my computing practical is really bad and I have to improve on it ><” Well, it’s a problem that I want to solve too .

Met Mr Wen after that. Well, don’t really wana talk about it.

Mr Phang was really nice. The scene was quite funny because Mr Phang was the one telling my mum that she have to understand that SYF is making me really tired right now and all. It’ll be over soon. I mean normally it’s the other way round. He keeps telling my mum that he understands and every student is the same. He was quite happy that the whole class improved and wasn’t really worried about me . He also said that the sole reason why our class is scoring better is probably because after last year, we’ve learnt how to study smart. Paying attention during lectures, doing our tutorials on time helped a lot. And the topics this year weren’t easier, in fact they were more difficult. So the fact that we were better shows that we really have started to adapt to JC’s education style . Lectures and tutorial way. 

He was shocked that I ticked self-discipline as an area to improve. Oh well. I guess I don’t look like those who always hog on the computer huh :X He kept asking what I meant by that. I just kept repeating ” well.. you know, distractions. yeah “. He kept on probing, but I wasn’t gona give in ! :X He gave up after several failed attempts. He also adviced me on how I should study and was glad thad that I was mixing with the correct people . Peer influence can do a lot these days. And that was the reason why a carnivore like me decided to eat vegetables after several years of vegetable fasting.

Went home quite late. Ate my favourite omelette again. Mum was shocked that I was eating it because under it was all vegetables. She just ain’t used to it yet. My vegetable diet. Hah. But it’s much better isn’t it? And I rarely eat fried food anymore. It’s kind of a 1 week once thing already. In the past, it was like everyday . And I’ve realised that my pimples are starting to lessen since I’ve started to eat vegetables. I mean last time was counted okay. At that time, I didn’t have oil glands yet so my skin was real good for no reason. Everyone was questioning why and I also wanted to know. Maybe drinking more water helps too . I’m reknowned for drinking lots of it ! D

Thursday, 9th April 2009 

Had campaigning again during Assembly. It’s quite fascinating actually. To see the councilors to be, being so hardworking and all. I mean our batch did far lesser. They used more audio stuff than visual stuff. For example, case of Jolene. Husnain was shouting his lungs out for her every break and asking everyone around to vote for her. But I doubt she needs it anyway. Everyone knows her somehow, maybe not the case in JC2. But JC1. Yeah. 

I was also amazed how they could asks us to vote for them when their skirts are so short. This was the observation I made. Some didn’t shave . I mean the guys -_- And the girls had skirts so short. I wonder why. Maybe they should correct such minor stuff first before asking us to vote for them .

GP lecture was a “I’m so cold that I think I would freeze to death literally” . 

Econs was much better today. Ms Kwok started teaching, like finally? Linglan was shocked that she didn’t teach. My friends were shocked too. It’s a little insane. I mean, she’s disappointed but we would do better. Why can’t she just trust us more? The answer was revealed on that period. While going through, she called some pupils . They couldn’t answer and she have already explained it several times. One conclusion, they weren’t listening. No wonder she was so mad. Gosh. I guess I was a selfish kid that didn’t put myself in her shoes.

Computing. Thanks Jolene for letting me sit in the front. It’s really much better for me (; And it’s really cool how Jeannette and Jolene can not get caught for doing homework of other subjects during comp lesson. I mean it’s really funny if you think about it. They are sitting right under the teacher’s nose. But .. yeah. Weird huh. I’ve tried doing other homework during lectures and stuff but it doesn’t work. I can’t pay attention to the work I’m doing. In the end, I listened to the lecture. 

Physics lecture. Ms Lim is scaring us. She’s starting to be absorbed into the Quantam world or something. Atoms and stuff. I started telling WeiQin that she doesn’t exist there unless I observe her. Everyone started to become a little insane . But it’s fun really. Teleporting . We’ll do that one day I’m sure ! D

Maths lesson. Yawn.

GP lesson. Ms Mok wasn’t there. Husnain became the teacher and we played hangman ! I was feeling really bored and wanted some games. Was really happy that Husnain agreed to play too ! And we started to get this whole game going suddenly. I suggested that we should improve on our vocab so we used our vocab book ! Learnt many new words. JiaJie is really good. I mean he guessed a word that we have NEVER heard before. Or should I praise YangJie instead for find such a weird word. The word learnt was Harlequin. No idea what it is ? Go search it up in the web yeah Heh. Our group won hands down ! The simple reason, because more people were active. For my team, YangJie, WeiQin, RenZhi, ShunYu, JiaJie were playing. Oh wait. Melvin was sometimes there and sometime’s not. Semi-active. Who was sitting beside YangJie ><” Can’t remember . Gosh.

And for the other team, Cheewee, MingSheng, Jolene, Guobin and YeowKeng. NOPE. It wasn’t distributed unfairly. It was the others who decided not to be in the game. So yeah. At first it was worse. Only MingSheng and Cheewee. After that the others started to join in. YeowKeng was the black horse in their group. He’s really good. 

Went for comp after that. Practical -_- Darn.

Pw results yeah. Mentioned that earlier already.

Had maths SCP after that till 7plus.

Friday, 10th April 2009

Had dance in the morning. Today is the first time I did so much push ups. I think I did around 70 . We made mistakes and thus we had to do them . I mean in short, we deserved it, but it was .. SCARY. I think my incline pull ups can be really good right now. 20 would be a piece of cake . LOL . As if x.x Turn turn turn till I’m dizzy. 

We were late . Well. Shouldn’t name the culprit out :X Went to the studio in Funan IT mall. It was quite small. But yeah. Made do with it. First time we practised so much. We were improving I guess. Theresa, Daph’s student said that we were quite good. Which shocked WenJia and me totally. I mean both of us felt that we are really bad. Messy and all. We should really work harder ! Few more days only ! D

Okay. End of story. A long post consisting of 2285 words.

All I wanted.

“If you want to, I could save you .. “

Well . It’s been a long time since I’ve settled down on a chair comfortably, finished my homework and able to blog at ease. Nowadays, I’m really busy with school, homework and co-cirricular activities(cca). Currently I’m in a “gona fall asleep” mood, but nevertheless, I’ve decided to ressurect my semi-dead blog. Can’t let it really die off right ?

I can’t really recall what happened for the past few days because I ain’t a computer ! Just gona post about what I can remember right now. Actually it’s BLANK. 

School is kind of insane right now, with today ending at 9pm ? Well, that’s because I fared badly in my blocktests so I can’t blame anyone can I ? Yeah. So I’ve got what I deserved and it doesn’t really hurt much because at the end of year, it’s gona be ‘A’s , something that will affect my life totally. Yes. That significant. 

Everyday, I have been pestering WeiQin, describing to her about this scene next year when we’re collecting our results and I’ll be up there, on the stage as one of the scholars. Can’t wait for that or should I say, I’m so GONA make that HAPPEN . Which also means I have to put in more effort for studies and make sure determination overcomes temptation. Now, ain’t that difficult ?

I haven’t touched the papers in ages and yeah, I’m stranded right now. I don’t know what’s happening out there in the world. So much for an active student who’s gona play a part for the nation. Hah . Weekends have been spent with dance practises and video watching . 

Everyone is really nervous during dance practises right now because SYF is just round the corner. 16th April. That’s so scary. It was really this faraway thing till yesterday we realised how near it actually is. It’s a one time chance thing so we have to put in all our effort. No space for regrets people ! Do our best out of this and make modern dance in YJ a core cca ! Prove to them we can do it !

Video watching on the otherhand, more of the korean male group SS501. Sometimes you need to destress, and watching some videos can do a lot. But addiction sucks too when you have an overwhelming pile of homework waiting for you. Somehow, I just continued watching on Sunday and yeah, I didn’t finish my homework ! >< Need to be more self-disciplined huh. That’s difficult.

Physical education have been boring since Napfa has been over. I mean, the trainings aren’t fun either but now it has lost a purpose. I’m like slacky during lessons and all. Track and Field meet is coming, not like it really affects me. But it would be great if I can even get a medal for once ! But the point is, I’ve never too the initiative to even sign up in the first place. Gosh . Procrastinations huh .

The other lesson that makes me really bored right now is Economics. Not that I can define it as “bored”. It’s more of vexing. I mean, how would you feel, stepping into a class where the teacher doesn’t want to teach. And it’s not like everyone of us don’t want to study. Sometimes, it shows a lot about teachers who are in the field for really long and those who have just came in.

Mrs Kwang for an example is a really experienced teacher. She has been teaching for like 20 plus years ? I really don’t mind spending my time every tuesday at night in college grounds listening to her meaningful lectures. Now I understand what it means by “my teacher motivates me to learn”. She makes those alien concepts easier for my pea size brain to understand. I’m never the logical person and maths is the last subject I can score well in. Thanks to her, I’ve gained more confidence that I can do my maths questions right now. No more freaking out when seeing questions related to Calculas. 

Not only her I guess, actually my teachers are all quite good. I’ve been lucky as compared to my friends who are always grumbling about how their teachers teach and all. Like my physics teacher, Mr Phang. He has never given up on us and is always trying his best, making effort to make the lesson interesting no matter how sleepy or uninterested we are. He transforms our blank stares totally. And I really appreciate him being my physics teacher. Another subject I shouldn’t have taken but now I’m passing my tests perhaps because of him ?

Well, of course there are teachers that are making us upset and totally demotivate us from studying. And I wonder if it’s me that is really shallow and can’t place myself in other people’s shoes. But if I always do that, who would do it for me? It’s a little fustrating . Can’t teachers just understand that we are really tired from our CCAs and all? I mean you have went through the same road too right? And you’re not the only teacher that’s facing such problems. Why are other teachers able to overcome the problem and in the end have fun with the students ? Today, Mrs Kwang said a sentence that I really admire her about “I won’t give in to inattentive students.” Her passion in teaching really touches me and make me feel that I should work even harder to repay her effort. Her time spent every tuesday night, when she could be well-off at home spending time with her husband and kids. 

Besides, this point ain’t just for teacher and student basis. To anyone. I was just thinking, this tiny incident or should I say detail, already taught us that if we meet with a minor setback and can’t stand up with that, we’re goners. Yet, if we persevere on, we might see the light. I believe that hope and miracles exist in this dark and gloomy world of ours.