Hey,
They don’t understand right ? What it means actually. Sometimes I feel like I’m wondering too much and sometimes I get assured that I ain’t the only one feeling this way. I’m always so confused over stuff that doesn’t need any time to be thought over with . Or do they ?
I’m so lost right now. Is it a good time to be lost at all with A levels just around the corner ? Somehow it feels like history is repeating itself. And all the new year resolutions I’ve made are just nonsense that I’ve spouted in a moment of folly. As time goes by, I feel that I’m getting further and further away from them.
It’s kind of ironic. My situation right now I mean. Here I am, ranting and raving about issues I know that I can solve purely by determination. Something that I don’t have. Even self-motivating tricks don’t work anymore. I wonder what’s the issue with me. But somehow when I’m typing this, I’m reminded of the avoidance syndrome I’ve once blogged about.
School is getting unbearable . People are changing, life is changing or maybe it’s me who’s changing. Nah. It’s everything. And poor me can’t adapt to all these perceive as normal occurrences to everyone. I’m lagging behind time. It feels like I’m being dragged around by things that I don’t even understand. And there’s the pathetic me always pleading away ” Hey, please. Let time stop and let me catch up. “
Should I say that if I can turn back time, I would do better ? No I won’t . Because I know myself. Even if I turn back time, so what ? I know for sure I won’t do better. I won’t make a different choice. It’s really obvious. How hilarious suddenly. I know myself yet I don’t.Â
Everything might just sound nonsensical right now. I’ve been trying to figure it out too. It’s just an intangible mess, really.
And the only thing I know right now is that “I can’t lose .. SERIOUSLY. “
