Should I even type this out ? I was thinking really hard because I guess it’ll leave a different impression on others of me. But it’s true and this is my blog .. So typing it out seems really logical and I don’t have anyone to talk to about. Even if I talk to others about this I bet they are just going to give that “So you’re this kind of person” kind of attitude.

To say the truth, I’ve been wondering lately why everyone is asking help from me. Seriously, there are so many people out there and why me ? They always give the reason that it’s because “I’m nice” . But that reason, I’m afraid, ain’t true. Yeah. Because to tell you a real fact, everytime someone asks me to help them do something, I seriously just wana say a big fat no straight in their faces. However I would always remind myself that I should be helpful and all so instead I would just agree and help them do it.

I really admire those people who can help others from the heart because precisely, I don’t have that intentions. Because me helping you ain’t my real intentions. But, can I say it this way ? It doesn’t seem so either. I’m forcing myself to do it because I want to be nice. And then helping you become my real intention. Okay, this is getting confusing.

But I’m really confused. I wonder if I’m the other one feeling this way. And I totally hate it when people ask me for help and give me the shitass attitude like I owe them the favor or something. Can’t they just be nicer ? I’m not oblidged to do anything for you, for your information. In case you haven’t realised, I actually really hate helping. AHH. Yeah, that’s right.

In the past, never would I help anyone. I think secondary school friends would know that I ain’t nice at all. At least that’s in my opinion. I think it’s a bother and yeah, won’t make any effort to not admit it. What’s the point of covering it all and acting so nice in front of others. GAH. But when I went into JC, I thought I should be nicer to everyone else around me. To actually reflect, I’m really lucky. My friends stayed by me despite my crappy characters. Sometimes I wonder.

Well, this is the real me. So unhelpful, so unkind, not wanting to do anything for others. Just wana stay alone and do my own stuff. So, what’s right or what’s wrong. Nono, the question should be .. What’s wrong ?