Been so long since I’ve those kind of “emo” posts. But my life seriously sucks now or maybe I’m just thinking too much again. I really have this urge to just quit my job and enjoy my holidays, my break which is probably gona end in like 4 days? It’s as if I’m threading on this rope which is thinning by the second. My life’s in danger and there’s no helplines.

I seriously need a break. It’s been around a month since I’ve joined Uniqlo. Life’s been hectic everyday. It almost seems like a cycle. Everyday I’ll wake up, shower, then go to work. When I reach home, I’ll shower again and go to bed. Everyday I’ll ponder over the same question, “Is this the kind of life I want?” I keep thinking if I would regret in the future of which when I think back and realised that I’ve wasted much of my time doing things that I don’t enjoy. But if I really think about it, do I really not like this job?

I have to admit that this job actually isn’t hateful nor is it difficult. The working hours are just too long and there’s this continuous stress streaming from nowhere. Impolite customers just totally spoils your mood and affect your work performance and attitude for the rest of the day. Its so hard to keep up to the standards that our superiors want. I’m starting to feel that retail really ain’t my cup of tea. Smiling is so tough. What happens when you’re no longer smiling from within? Fake smiles and fake greetings. Is that even worth mentioning?

Worse still, you have to watch out for both customers and supervisors. Life is getting too tiring for me. Too much for me to handle. You have to do this, do that. Everything just kind of accumulates. Heavier and heavier till one day there’s not even any breathing space. But humans are weird, or maybe I am. After every offday, I feel recharged and I’ll say, I guess its fine. I’m sure I can do better. I’ll work harder. But how long can this determination stay?

Darn. I’ll just continue ranting and going in circles. People around me encourage me to persevere on and that these few months would end soon. But the point is why am I even enduring? It comes all down to the main question. Why do I even work? For the money? Not really. For the experience? Perhaps. That was actually my main reason of working as a retail staff. Maybe I should just quit. It actually doesn’t even matter right? It’ll probably affect my pocket money and maybe I’ll linger around home. To Uniqlo, perhaps its just another staff that has to go and they’ll just employ another one.

So what is it that’s stopping me? There’s so many what ifs that I’m going insane. Thinking about this and that. Ahh. What should I do, really. I wish someone could just help me now …