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It’s holidays, time to relax, have a good time and yet I’m slogging away in a full-time job which grants me less time than school. Sometimes when I’m on the long ride home from work in the middle of the night, I ask myself why am I even trying so hard? Everyone’s the same as me yet why do I feel so exhausted?

Making time for myself and my friends seems almost impossible and feels like a chore. I don’t have the urge to call up my friends, hang out. Instead, I want to just rest at home, enjoy myself in my own comfort zone, a place where I call it “home sweet home”.

In this phase of my life, I feel so burdened my school and work. Stupid me to get more stress when I’m already vexed over my academics. I’ve only 2 more weeks or so to actually make a choice and decide my future. But wait up, we’ve been thinking of what we want to be since we’re young but our decisions keep changing so what makes people think that in these few months we’ll be able to conjure a path to our fantastic future?

Yet human beings are strange, they always are. Every time I make up my mind about quitting and really slowing down the pace of my life, giving myself some space for once, I’ll tear it all apart again after work. It almost seem like an endless cycle of “I shall quit” and “I guess I won’t after all”. I’m never sure of what I should be doing, and I guess it won’t change just because I gain a little more experience in this large universe I live in.

I need an answer to all the questions I’m posing but I don’t think anyone has an answer. I guess I’ll have to find them myself while hoping that I won’t collapse on the way.

Its been a long time since I’ve blogged, everyday is almost the same cycle so I shall just post about random and various things that actually are worth mentioning.

Firstly, I saw Melvin and YinXiu the other day. Have to say I was kind of shocked when I saw Melvin. I was apparently doing cashiering and was serving his friend. Then I realised that he was standing at the back and laughing at me as usual! -.- The best part was that the nets card that was provided by his friend couldn’t be swiped. So he just kept teasing me about how I suck at being a cashier. At first I also thought that it was my fault when I flipped the card around and realised there were so many scratches at the strip of barcode. It’s a miracle that in the next few attempts the card managed to get through!

Next, I went to SMU with Weiqin on Sunday. After listening to their talks, I really want to get into their business course! Darn to bad results!

Also, I passed my BTT few days ago. Gona book my FTT and driving lessons soon but now I’m stuck x.x I have no idea how to convert into a school student because I signed up as private initially. Seems like you can’t do that online so I guess I’ll have to personally go down to the place to do the conversion :l Meanwhile I can’t wait for my first driving lesson (:

Oh. And I went shopping with Weiqin and my mum on the same day. Didn’t manage to get anything. They got some stuff that they wanted. Ah. At least we had fun taking eerie photos!! They weren’t meant to be scary or anything but it somehow turned out like that so it was pretty cool. Now I’m kinda addicted to my camera (:

*Shall upload the photos next time. Imageshack is taking a long time to load or you can check my FB for photo updates *

For the entire day, I’ve been watching Japanese dramas. Namely, Nobuta wo Produce and Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge. Both are hilarious and touching! (: Great recommends!

Going to work tomorrow already but applied for leave on Saturday so I can go to NUS and NTU open house! (; Till then!

Stay happy peeps xD

credits (PaperTissue)

2 days and counting, everyone’s been lying. All the encouraging and motivating words seemed meaningless. I should have seen it coming. No. I’ve already seen it coming except that I didn’t prepare myself to face the consequences. I expected what I should have, but I left out the most important part of facing the music.

Right now, I’m really in the middle of nowhere. This feeling sucks. People choosing you instead of you choosing them. How long have I been in such situations? Over and over again, its a never ending cycle. Repeatedly, I land myself in such detested situations.

It’s not their fault, not anyone’s but mine. The past couple of days, its been the first time I’m so thankful of my job. It’s the only thing that can make me forget of my self-caused miserable future. I can run, but I can’t hide. It’s all gona come. Right in my face.

Maybe I’ll be able to look at it right in the eye soon, but before that just let me be part of the crowd ..

and lie

Its funny when you realise that the people who cares about you when you’re down are those that you don’t even pay much attention to usually. I guess I understand what it means when you gain and lose. Some things aren’t for granted, I’ll repay them next time.

Yet some… just don’t understand and I’m tired of repeating.