Hwee-ified

The Truth Game

I actually had the urge to type this in the middle of the night yesterday but instead was too lazy to even switch on the computer. So instead, I organized my thoughts and what I was going to type in this post. Sounds creepy huh? But I always do that because I hate it when my posts seems so messy. Anyways, if I don’t type about this any soon, I think I’ll go crazy. Just have to get it off my chest or something.

It’s more of a liar game actually, is it? When we grow up, we realize that they are many things that we cannot say. In the end, we beat about the bush about thoughts we try to express. The reasons for such actions are simple with the main reason being you might hurt the other party if you are too straight forward and that isn’t good because you might actually hurt ties between you and that person.

I realized that ever since I entered into a Junior College, I’ve changed. I no longer speak what I think, instead I keep it all inside. In the past, I always confront others about what they do and what they say and hence got labelled as “attitude” and “blunt”. But years ago, I couldn’t understand why people do not just speak their thoughts freely. Why can’t we just say things outright? Things that we are being upset with and what we are so irritated for? I’ve always thought by not saying anything and then in your heart meaning another only reveals the traits of a hypocrite. Someone who say something and think the other.

After much thought in the past few years, I realized I’ve become such a person too. It’s not that we lie. Instead, we rather not speak of what we actually think and keep them all inside. All the black lists and favourites are kept all inside. We do not bother to speak up anymore and chooses wisely on who we should speak to and who we shouldn’t. We start to become “calculative” creatures we mind every single thing that people do but keep them in our hearts. We bottle up everything that concerns us and try not to let out any of it. Insecurity may be one of the reasons so. If you let out more information about you, you never know what might happen. When it spreads out of hand, it might take the wrong form and instead create misunderstandings. Also, we’ve all faced before, blabbermouths. They are people who can just tell things that you feel are confidential to anyone around, even people who don’t know you.

However, it’s pretty hilarious when you think about it. When you keep things from someone just because you’re afraid it would hurt them, when they realize the truth one sort or another in the future, they call you a liar. Just because you didn’t express what you thought. And at that time, explaining do no favor. You are deemed as a liar, a loser even though when you think about it, the person who’s angry with you is pretty much the same as you. When we get older, we lose the courage to speak up for fear of the negative consequences. You can even say that we were narrow minded and ignorant in the past to not know the aftermath of confronting someone or something that you do not like.

Instead of saying it outright, we try to drop hints every now and then but it doesn’t really work that way. Some people can get it instantly but others, they never do. Therefore there would be a need to say it out, whatever you are feeling. Positive or negative towards the person. But we’ve got used to our style of keeping quiet till we’ve forgotten how to actually say how we really feel. Then, the wrong message might get across and in the end hurt both parties.

Not forgetting that we are still growing up, we are still lacking experience in many forms. We have not actually master the art of communication just yet. How to interact with others perfectly, without a glitch. I have to say even adults aren’t perfect yet. They make mistakes every now and then. We young adults on the other hand, try to gain experience by exploring our surroundings ourselves. In the end, we learn from all the hurt and misunderstandings we got, not forgetting those touching memories.

At this point of time, I know that I’m no longer a truthful person for I rarely speak out how I really feel, instead I shut it in and drops hints every now and then in hope that someone would get what I think. Sometimes I might get lucky and many a times, I don’t. But to me, I think it pays to be “truthful” sometimes, but not always.

Orhpan: SPOILER

Are you a fan of the show “Hide and Seek”? Or are you obsessed with pyschological shows? If you are, then you would probably love this show, just like me!

Synopsis:

The tragic loss of their unborn child has devastated Kate and John, taking a toll on both their marriage and Kate’s fragile psyche as she is plagued by nightmares and haunted by demons from her past. Struggling to regain some semblance of normalcy in their lives, the couple decides to adopt a child. At the local orphanage, both John and Kate find themselves strangely drawn to a young girl named Esther. Almost as soon as they welcome Esther into their home, however, an alarming series of events begins to unfold, leading Kate to believe that there’s something wrong with Esther–this seemingly angelic little girl is not what she appears to be. Concerned for the safety of her family, Kate tries to get John and others to see past Esther’s sweet facade. But her warnings go unheeded until it may be too late-for everyone.

Credits: The Internet Movie Database

For those who have watched the trailer like me, would have expected a twist in the story at the end as this was the best part of pyschology movies. During the movie, I was trying my best to guess what’s wrong with Esther but I couldn’t really get it right until the last part.

I think the introduction was really good. At first, the scene looked normal. It was just the main lead, Kate who was giving birth to her third child. The confusing part came when the doctors start to sigh and say that they were really sorry for her loss mixed with Kate’s exclaimation that the baby was not dead and is still moving in her womb. The scary part came when the tension started to rise and came to the climax when the baby was shown. It was dead.

Then came a hysterical scream and it was just a dream. She then went to the bathroom to get her medication. Like most horror flicks, the mirror pose as an important tool to scare the viewers. In this show, it was exceptionally scary with the creaking sound of the mirror drawer. I have no idea if it was intentional or not but the sound made me even more freaked out. The surprising part was that it wasn’t until the third time she pushed open the drawer where something really appeared. But it was just her husband. I think this part is where it started to tell me, this show IS indeed different from other typical horror movies.

The story then started to unfold. Kate lost the baby due to her alcohol addiction which could be inferred from the scene where she was visiting her shrink. Her husband appeared to be caring and was consoling her telling her it wasn’t her fault. But she couldn’t not blame herself which resulted in the endless nightmares. Both her husband and her then decided to adopt a child so that they could give the love meant for Jessica to someone who needs it.

During the stay at the orphanage where Kate and John was finding a child to adopt, the director made many successful attempts to scare us. He made use of the fact that we already were expecting something as the meeting of Kate and John with Esther drew closer. Then the second part which continues to support my view that this show is indeed special was when the meeting with Esther was a completely normal one. In fact, it seemed as though Esther was a perfect normal kid who was able to communicate really well with others. She was a charming kid who could draw well and is optimistic about everything. Her optimism further increased her appeal towards Kate who desperately needed someone to fill up her loss of Jessica.

They then successful adopted Esther. Esther continued to portray as a fantastic child with fast learning abilities where she picked up sign language and piano really fast. Also, she managed to get along well with Max. The strange incidents started to happen when Esther wore this dress to school. Kate asked she didn’t wear the jeans and shirt she prepared for her and Esther retorted with what Kate had said before to her “It was okay to be different from the rest”. Kate gave in and drove them to school.

At school, she was discriminated from the rest especially one of her classmates. Then came the scene when John brings the children to the playground to play. Esther had her eye on this classmate who kept bullying her during class. The director then again adapted the technique which was used earlier both with the drawers and at the orphanage. The last blow came when Esther was seen pushing the girl off the slide where she broke her ankle. Max saw it but denied it at the dining table. The suspicion from Kate started to rise even higher while John just shrug it off saying that it was an accident.

The suspicion grew even worse when Esther experessed her knowledge about sex when she was supposedly to be only nine, after she’ve accidentally seen John and Kate doing it. After that, the John and Kate had a discussion about Esther. Kate tried many attempts to convince John that there was something wrong with Esther but it was a failure. The director then portrayed the overthrown of that belief by ending that scene with John and Kate both using expletives in a comedic way.

However, Kate didn’t really gave up. In the supermarket,  Sister Abigail called her and was reminding her about the health reports for Esther. Kate walked away to have the call in private. Esther then used Max to help her eavesdrop on the conversation. When Esther realized that the truth about her might be exposed, she deceived Max into helping her to murder Sister Abigail. The cruelty of Esther is then shown when she used a hammer to crack the Sister’s skull. They then hid the evidence in the Daniel’s treehouse. Daniel accidentally came across that and thought that he was safe.

Following that night, Esther appeared beside his bed and threatened him to not breathe a word about it. The story then started to get even heavier when more strange happenings involve Esther. Kate tried her best to convince John about it but John was still in disbelief. The relationship between Kate and John came to its worst when Esther cut the white roses in their garden. Kate was extremely grieved and grabbed Esther’s hand. To make it worse, that night, Esther broke her arm using John’s vise and convinced John that it was Kate’s doing. That night, Esther slept in the room with John while Kate was forced to sleep downstairs. Unable to cope, Kate went to buy alcohol. However, she didn’t drink a single sip as she remembered the unfortunate event of Jessica.

Kate finally decided to work on her own and find out more of Esther’s past. She came across Esther’s bible again and realizes there were many photos of unknown guys. At that time, John was continuing to persuade Kate to go to a rehab centre as he feels that Kate is reverting back to her addiction which wasn’t true. John then took out the bottle that Kate had bought the day before and expected, the bottle was “found” by Esther.

Esther finally managed to drive Kate out of the house when Daniel was almost being burnt alive by Esther. Daniel managed to survive although he was still in critical condition. Esther then tried to kill Daniel. Max then made up her mind to stop Esther but it was too late. When Kate realized that, she wanted to confront Esther but was sedated by the doctors.

That night, Esther had her make up on and tried to seduce John. However, she failed terribly. The story then develops even further when the mental institution called back Kate who was in the hospital. She was questioned if she had seen the scars that Esther had at her neck and wrist. The director cleverly joined that together with Esther being exasperated and pulling off the neck and wrist decorations she always wore. The scars were obviously present. John finally realized the truth when he saw Esther’s room in a mess. When Esther disrupted the house’s lightings, John came across all the drawings that Esther pasted on the wall.

Then all the pieces started to come together. Esther used luminous paint which could only be seen when the fish tank’s light is on. John then saw the paintings of Kate and him which was hidden behind all the drawings. The scene was combined with Kate’s conversation with the mental hopsital. It was then revealed that Esther was actually a 33 year old full grown lady who suffered from a sickness which causes her body to develop unusually.

Kate then drives the car back to the house at full speed. On the way, she tried to inform John about it but he did not pick up the phone. When she was back, she realised that it was too late and John was on the floor suffering from multiple stabs on his chest and a pool of blood. The hide and seek of Max, Esther and Kate begun. Esther who was at first hunting down Max decided to first kill off Kate.

The ending was filled with many fighting scenes of both of them struggling to kill each other. Kate showed her motherly love by all the attempts to stop Esther from hunting down Max. Esther was then knocked out by Kate when she fell through the roof of the garden house. Kate then carried Max away from the house and towards the ice lake. When they heard the police sirens, they finally let out a sigh of relief.

However, it does not end here as Esther came chasing with a knife. Kate and Esther fought with each other and fell into the cold lake. Max tried to kill Esther with a shotgun but failed. When Kate climbed out of the hole in the lake, we thought everything was over but Esther then grabbed Kate’s foot. She then tried to use the soft tatic to “beg” for her life and addressed Kate as mummy. However, Kate wasn’t deceived and foiled Esther’s plan by kicking her off and broke her neck. Esther then fell back into the cold pond.

Finally, Kate and Max was saved by the policemen.

I was quite disappointed with the ending as I anticipated something like Hide and Seek but it didn’t appear. For those who didn’t understand what I meant, I shall explain. In Hide and Seek’s final ending, the drawing appeared another girl who held the hands of that small girl who survived which means that that girl also suffers from personality disorder. In this show, that didn’t happen. So it was quite disappointing.

But overall, it was a great show that is definitely not to be missed !

Verbal abuse VS Teasing

Have you ever hurt others before unintentionally? Are you at the end causing others to feel terrible and inferior inside? Do you feel that it’s fun to provoke others by attacking their flaws ? Do you feel that by doing this you will become popular and everyone will feel that you’re really funny ? Or maybe you have always thought that you’re merely joking and maybe the person won’t feel hurt about it?

Or are you at the other end, always getting insulted by others. Always trying to withhold everything that others say. Keep it inside and even accepting whatever others say of you. Sometimes you just laugh and shrug it off but actually inside you’re feeling really terrible. But you don’t dare to tell others because you’re afraid that people will laugh at you ?

Many people don’t realise the difference between teasing and verbal abuse. Some even feel that it’s the same . Actually, there’s a line differentiating these two . In case unintentionally you have became the “bully”, this is what it means as verbal abuse. Verbal abuse includes withholding, bullying, defaming, defining, trivializing, harassing, interrogating, accusing, blaming, blocking, countering, diverting, lying, berating, taunting, putting down, edifying, discounting, threatening, name-calling, yelling and raging. In simpler terms, it means to inflict pain on others, mentally.

Teasing on the other hand is less hurting. They do not involve any personal attacks and even if they do, the feeling would fade off very fast. Teasers would often stop when the “victims” complain that they are hurt and would even apologize for being so mean. They would never carry it too far and their main aim is only to make you laugh and never to attack or insult you in anyway.

The most commonly seen verbal abuse cases are often related to physical appearance. Looks, weight and even age. Often, the victim would always hold it in. And those that have lower confidence level would tend to accept it and even believe that it’s true even if it’s not true. In the end, they feel so bad about themselves that they start to hate themselves. In the end, they might even commit suicide. Yeah. It’s that serious. I’m not exaggerating.

In fact, verbal abuse hurts more than physical abuse and they tend to stay longer. Hence victims take a long time to recover from them. Findings have shown that in the past 25 years, while the general incidence of suicide has decreased, the rate for those between 15 and 24 has tripled. And most of them are due to verbal abuse. 

Hence, I would like to emphasize that it’s important to think before you speak because every little act or statement you speak might affect others in many ways. And unintentionally you might even hurt others . Also, do not carry your teasing too far because some people are more fragile at heart, having a lower confidence level. This continious teasing might lead to depression. 

To everyone out there, never be a verbal abuser and most importantly, never be a victim (:

Credits : VerbalAbuse.com, Mental-Health-Matters.com

The Avoidance Syndrome

Today, I understood something that I thought I would never figure out. I’ve been pondering over what Mdm Koh had said during assembly yesterday morning. And you know what ? I hate it because she’s so right about it. Absolutely right. 

Like everyone else in the world, I’ve been infected with Avoidance Syndrome. No idea what it is ? I’ll tell you in a moment and you’ll realise that you’ve been infected too. Nope. It’s not something that difficult to understand. Look through the following statements and ask yourself if you’ve once said these too.

” It’s okay, the world is unfair.”, “ They can do it because they are different.”, “ I’m just weaker than the rest.” “Everyone is good in something, I’m just weak in this.”

Like everyone else, I often run away from problems, I avoid them with all I can. Most of the time it almost becomes a habit. Always trying to make up excuses for something that I couldn’t do. When I can’t finish my homework, I blame it that school is too long and my co-curricular activities are taking too much of my time. When I don’t understand what the teachers are saying, I tell myself it’s okay. I’m just better in arts subjects. When people can play an instrument or sing well, I try to convince myself that I’m better in other areas. This is just not my thing. When I feel so tired of going to school, I make up excuses that I’m sick and not go to school. I convince myself and others around I’m sick. I make up excuses for whatever I don’t want to do. Then I ask myself ..

Is that a good solution ? No. Because one day, you’ll realise you can’t achieve anything because you’re always doing that. Always trying to deceive yourself, trying to make up excuses for something that you’ve not done because you couldn’t find the effort to do it. Hey. Then you start to run away from everything, from reality, from everything that is right. When you can’t do it, you’ll just make up so many excuses that you know yourself, is not true at all. But you can’t do anything about it anymore. You’ve gone in too deep. 

Life is unfair. Really unfair. But people can make it fair. Nope. Those statements aren’t wrong. You’re right. Life is unfair and people have areas where they are better at. But it doesn’t stop you from being better. I’ve always told myself I’m musically declined and convinced everyone around I’m just weaker in this area. Hey. But is that true? Not really. For someone that is in choir for 4 years, I claim that I can’t read notes because I don’t have the talent. But I know, deep in my heart that if I make a point to learn it, I can do as well as everyone else. 

Always and always, envious and jealous of everyone. What’s the point of all these ? Everyone is moving forward while you’re still rooted on the ground, grumbling and complaining how much you suck and how much people are just better. Is this what you want ? I have no idea but this isn’t what I want. I’ve thought through everything today, my life. I’ve made desicions that I want to keep to. I’ll make sure I’ll do anything to reach goals that I’ve set for years. I’ll no longer be envious of others just because they are better. The simple question ” If others can do it, why can’t I ? “. I can say a million reasons that won’t win over ” If I try my best, I can do it too.”

And I’ve learnt something else today. Melvin made it really clear. And I think it’s really true. Whatever he said really make sense. Reverse physchology. When people insult you, talk about your flaws, take it into your pride. Change these flaws . Make them disappear. The others can’t say anything anymore. And when you keep doing these, one day you’ll realise you have become a better person. Also, the things they can say decreases because your flaws are decreasing. Don’t ever fall down and sit there, not wanting to climb up. Don’t blame the world for what you cannot do, blame yourself.

And for this, I shall set my goals. Set my dreams. Not only today but always. Make it a point to reach my goals. Because I believe in my heart that by doing this, I’m moving towards a better me I want to reach. I’ll be moving towards a perfect me. Are you ?

Millions of comments that don’t actually matter,

but I just can’t seem to let them pass.

Thousands of smiles that were superficial,

and I just can’t seem to make them real.

 

Hundreds of labelled ‘friends’ out there,

with none of them true in the heart.

Tens of days I’ve cried my heart out,

with no one there to pull me up.

Tears are falling, doors kept closing.

Wounds reopening, memories rewinding.

With little strength left I beg to the sky,

please don’t let history ever repeats itself.

With a soft whisper I heard it clear,

answers to questions I’ve always teared.

Little by little, I understand,

that hope is really in the air.

 

Yes, I won’t stay down there,

for one day I know I would be able to stand.

I’ll then face the world with a complete new me,

a better and perfect oneself.

If I were a boy ..

Well. This post was inspired by WenJia’s and my chat today when we were going home. We were suddenly so interested in being a guy and what we would do if we were guys. This is my opinion !

Overall, I’ll be a guy that is loved by everyone. I’ll make all the girls fall head over heels for me. I’ll make sure I’m well liked by the elders. I’ll be a real talented guy and do well in my career !

1. A nice hairstyle

I’ve always thought that hairstyle is the most important thing about guys. I mean, isn’t that the first thing girls look at when you see a guy? A good hairstyle shows a lot of things about the guy. And what do I mean by a good hairstyle? Not those nerdy kind I guess (purely my opinion). I like guys who have natural spikey hair. As in the hair looks good without wax. A little wax doesn’t hurt though. Your hairstyle determines your entire face ! So it pays off to spend time on your hair !

And me as a guy, I would constantly make sure my hair is in it’s best condition! xD

And somehow, I just love this hairstyle ( biased ? no :X )

2. BRAINS

Isn’t this obvious ? I would make sure I’m achieveing good grades in all my academic area. I think the most important thing I would ensure I’m good at is my languages. Guys that can speak well attract girls more isn’t it ? And I would be able to help others out if they need any. Isn’t that good ?

I would also be able to find a job that can provide a luxury life for wife and kids !

3. Be a GENTLEman

I’ll open doors.I’ll arrive early for all dates.I’ll do all I can to help others.I’ll make sure that all the girls have a seat before I sit down.I’ll take books or whatever the girls are carrying if it’s too heavy. 

I’ll do anything that is gentlemind like. Make sure that I think about others before me. I’ll be sensitive to everyone’s feelings around. Never go over the limit when teasing girls or friends. Sincerly care. Be honest in whatever I say. If it hurts people, I won’t say it.

4. Play an instrument or have a talent in other areas

Personally, I think guys that play an instrument is really hot. Especially when they are really engrossed in it. And I’ve once read an article that says that music would make oneself have a better temper. Having a talent in an area only makes people feel attracted to you. In my case, I feel that music is the key. 

So if I’m a guy, I would make sure I can play an instrument. In addition, I’ll make sure I do well in sports too. Imagine, a guy who is musically inclined, good in academics and also physically fit. Sounds simple but rare already yeah ?

5. Look SMART

My closet would be filled with long sleeves and collar shirts. I make sure I have a good fashion sense. I dress appropriately for all occasions and also not shy away from fashion trends. I think most of the guys are afraid to dress up because they are afraid of people’s point of view. Come on ! Be yourself ! Guys who wear collar shirts and long sleeves look really smart !

So if I’m a guy, I’m gona always look smart.

6. Always have a cute smile

7. Have a nice pair of hands ( No idea why. But it just matters .. )

8. Have a GOOD complexion !

I think lots of guys forego this . IT’s IMPORTANT. At least to me if I’m a guy. I will make sure that I have good skin . I mean not to the extent like girls but at least not that much acne and also no uneven skin tone ! This is important ~

9. Have a great physical build ( Obvious ? LOL )

 

Well, I think it’ll be really cool if I can be a guy for a day. At least I know how girls feel and I won’t act ungentlemanly which is the case for guys now ! :X I wana make everyone look in my direction when I walk around and also acting oblivious to their stares ( WenJia agrees to this too ). It’s so cool ! P 

Gosh. I think I better stop, or I’ll really become a guy soon x.x That’s all to share !