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Today, I understood something that I thought I would never figure out. I’ve been pondering over what Mdm Koh had said during assembly yesterday morning. And you know what ? I hate it because she’s so right about it. Absolutely right. 

Like everyone else in the world, I’ve been infected with Avoidance Syndrome. No idea what it is ? I’ll tell you in a moment and you’ll realise that you’ve been infected too. Nope. It’s not something that difficult to understand. Look through the following statements and ask yourself if you’ve once said these too.

” It’s okay, the world is unfair.”, “ They can do it because they are different.”, “ I’m just weaker than the rest.” “Everyone is good in something, I’m just weak in this.”

Like everyone else, I often run away from problems, I avoid them with all I can. Most of the time it almost becomes a habit. Always trying to make up excuses for something that I couldn’t do. When I can’t finish my homework, I blame it that school is too long and my co-curricular activities are taking too much of my time. When I don’t understand what the teachers are saying, I tell myself it’s okay. I’m just better in arts subjects. When people can play an instrument or sing well, I try to convince myself that I’m better in other areas. This is just not my thing. When I feel so tired of going to school, I make up excuses that I’m sick and not go to school. I convince myself and others around I’m sick. I make up excuses for whatever I don’t want to do. Then I ask myself ..

Is that a good solution ? No. Because one day, you’ll realise you can’t achieve anything because you’re always doing that. Always trying to deceive yourself, trying to make up excuses for something that you’ve not done because you couldn’t find the effort to do it. Hey. Then you start to run away from everything, from reality, from everything that is right. When you can’t do it, you’ll just make up so many excuses that you know yourself, is not true at all. But you can’t do anything about it anymore. You’ve gone in too deep. 

Life is unfair. Really unfair. But people can make it fair. Nope. Those statements aren’t wrong. You’re right. Life is unfair and people have areas where they are better at. But it doesn’t stop you from being better. I’ve always told myself I’m musically declined and convinced everyone around I’m just weaker in this area. Hey. But is that true? Not really. For someone that is in choir for 4 years, I claim that I can’t read notes because I don’t have the talent. But I know, deep in my heart that if I make a point to learn it, I can do as well as everyone else. 

Always and always, envious and jealous of everyone. What’s the point of all these ? Everyone is moving forward while you’re still rooted on the ground, grumbling and complaining how much you suck and how much people are just better. Is this what you want ? I have no idea but this isn’t what I want. I’ve thought through everything today, my life. I’ve made desicions that I want to keep to. I’ll make sure I’ll do anything to reach goals that I’ve set for years. I’ll no longer be envious of others just because they are better. The simple question ” If others can do it, why can’t I ? “. I can say a million reasons that won’t win over ” If I try my best, I can do it too.”

And I’ve learnt something else today. Melvin made it really clear. And I think it’s really true. Whatever he said really make sense. Reverse physchology. When people insult you, talk about your flaws, take it into your pride. Change these flaws . Make them disappear. The others can’t say anything anymore. And when you keep doing these, one day you’ll realise you have become a better person. Also, the things they can say decreases because your flaws are decreasing. Don’t ever fall down and sit there, not wanting to climb up. Don’t blame the world for what you cannot do, blame yourself.

And for this, I shall set my goals. Set my dreams. Not only today but always. Make it a point to reach my goals. Because I believe in my heart that by doing this, I’m moving towards a better me I want to reach. I’ll be moving towards a perfect me. Are you ?

Millions of comments that don’t actually matter,

but I just can’t seem to let them pass.

Thousands of smiles that were superficial,

and I just can’t seem to make them real.

 

Hundreds of labelled ‘friends’ out there,

with none of them true in the heart.

Tens of days I’ve cried my heart out,

with no one there to pull me up.

Tears are falling, doors kept closing.

Wounds reopening, memories rewinding.

With little strength left I beg to the sky,

please don’t let history ever repeats itself.

With a soft whisper I heard it clear,

answers to questions I’ve always teared.

Little by little, I understand,

that hope is really in the air.

 

Yes, I won’t stay down there,

for one day I know I would be able to stand.

I’ll then face the world with a complete new me,

a better and perfect oneself.