Hwee-ified

Liar.

credits (PaperTissue)

2 days and counting, everyone’s been lying. All the encouraging and motivating words seemed meaningless. I should have seen it coming. No. I’ve already seen it coming except that I didn’t prepare myself to face the consequences. I expected what I should have, but I left out the most important part of facing the music.

Right now, I’m really in the middle of nowhere. This feeling sucks. People choosing you instead of you choosing them. How long have I been in such situations? Over and over again, its a never ending cycle. Repeatedly, I land myself in such detested situations.

It’s not their fault, not anyone’s but mine. The past couple of days, its been the first time I’m so thankful of my job. It’s the only thing that can make me forget of my self-caused miserable future. I can run, but I can’t hide. It’s all gona come. Right in my face.

Maybe I’ll be able to look at it right in the eye soon, but before that just let me be part of the crowd ..

and lie

Its funny when you realise that the people who cares about you when you’re down are those that you don’t even pay much attention to usually. I guess I understand what it means when you gain and lose. Some things aren’t for granted, I’ll repay them next time.

Yet some… just don’t understand and I’m tired of repeating.

I need help and I can’t afford to do anything for others right now.

They just don’t understand. One by one…

Life sucks.

Been so long since I’ve those kind of “emo” posts. But my life seriously sucks now or maybe I’m just thinking too much again. I really have this urge to just quit my job and enjoy my holidays, my break which is probably gona end in like 4 days? It’s as if I’m threading on this rope which is thinning by the second. My life’s in danger and there’s no helplines.

I seriously need a break. It’s been around a month since I’ve joined Uniqlo. Life’s been hectic everyday. It almost seems like a cycle. Everyday I’ll wake up, shower, then go to work. When I reach home, I’ll shower again and go to bed. Everyday I’ll ponder over the same question, “Is this the kind of life I want?” I keep thinking if I would regret in the future of which when I think back and realised that I’ve wasted much of my time doing things that I don’t enjoy. But if I really think about it, do I really not like this job?

I have to admit that this job actually isn’t hateful nor is it difficult. The working hours are just too long and there’s this continuous stress streaming from nowhere. Impolite customers just totally spoils your mood and affect your work performance and attitude for the rest of the day. Its so hard to keep up to the standards that our superiors want. I’m starting to feel that retail really ain’t my cup of tea. Smiling is so tough. What happens when you’re no longer smiling from within? Fake smiles and fake greetings. Is that even worth mentioning?

Worse still, you have to watch out for both customers and supervisors. Life is getting too tiring for me. Too much for me to handle. You have to do this, do that. Everything just kind of accumulates. Heavier and heavier till one day there’s not even any breathing space. But humans are weird, or maybe I am. After every offday, I feel recharged and I’ll say, I guess its fine. I’m sure I can do better. I’ll work harder. But how long can this determination stay?

Darn. I’ll just continue ranting and going in circles. People around me encourage me to persevere on and that these few months would end soon. But the point is why am I even enduring? It comes all down to the main question. Why do I even work? For the money? Not really. For the experience? Perhaps. That was actually my main reason of working as a retail staff. Maybe I should just quit. It actually doesn’t even matter right? It’ll probably affect my pocket money and maybe I’ll linger around home. To Uniqlo, perhaps its just another staff that has to go and they’ll just employ another one.

So what is it that’s stopping me? There’s so many what ifs that I’m going insane. Thinking about this and that. Ahh. What should I do, really. I wish someone could just help me now …

Deprived

If only we have the power to control time, to stop the clock from ticking, to slow the pace of life to a gradual stop, to have the luxury to reflect and think.

Too bad. The world doesn’t work that way.

We’re deprived of our ability to dream.